So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
