dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
