A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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