he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You are a genius and a whore.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
