So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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