Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
