Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
