for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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