Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
