These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
