Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
