Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
