i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
