My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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