My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
