My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
