Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
