dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
