It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Sober January is a disaster.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
