Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
