..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
