I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
