I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
