Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
