sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
