Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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