At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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