I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
