i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
