I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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