I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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