I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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