I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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