they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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