Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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