you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
