she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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