How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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