i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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