So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
