Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
