can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
