I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
