and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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