it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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