I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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