I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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