so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
