remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
