feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
