I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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