Nicole vs. Life
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
