so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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