Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
