i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
