My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
